Nathan Staub Memorial. The standings have receipts. The group chat has explanations.
Data captured 2026-10-14 00:45 UTC. Scores are as reported by Sleeper, subject to stat corrections. Transactions and draft facts are read-only.
Matchup recaps
SuckMyPresticles (Victory Formation) outscored Cam Newtons fantasty, 153.16 to 99.10, a 54.06-point weekly margin. The projections will be hearing from management.
wcisco (Monday Negotiators) outscored The Dirtiest, 162.08 to 160.30, a 1.78-point weekly margin. One less refresh of the app might have saved everyone some stress.
Afghan National Team (Trade Committee) outscored balls2thewalls2, 181.92 to 146.98, a 34.94-point weekly margin. The group chat victory lap has been approved.
Killen Kehillah (Sunday Optimists) outscored City Wok Rions, 145.90 to 83.62, a 62.28-point weekly margin. The projections will be hearing from management.
Abominable Snowmen (Rebuild Enthusiasts) outscored landanss, 194.46 to 97.04, a 97.42-point weekly margin. The projections will be hearing from management.
MauiHowie (Taxi Squad Alumni) outscored Newmen, 123.64 to 108.26, a 15.38-point weekly margin. The group chat victory lap has been approved.
Weekly awards
Team of the Week: Abominable Snowmen, 194.46. The lineup understood the assignment.
Bust of the Week: City Wok Rions, 83.62. This means lowest team score, not a projection-based underperformance. A temporary subscription to next week is recommended.
Closest game: The Dirtiest / wcisco, 1.78 points this scoring week.
Biggest blowout: Abominable Snowmen / landanss, 97.42 points this scoring week.
Top and bottom scorers
Started players only, including kickers and defenses. A zero does not tell us whether someone was injured, inactive, on an NFL bye, or simply scoreless. All ties remain visible in matchup data.
Highest: Drake Maye (Newmen), 39.46; Jahmyr Gibbs (Afghan National Team), 37.70; Puka Nacua (Afghan National Team), 37.70; Jaylen Warren (balls2thewalls2), 36.80; Isaiah Likely (wcisco), 32.40
Lowest: Greg Dortch (City Wok Rions), 0.00; Dallas Cowboys (MauiHowie), 1.00; Pittsburgh Steelers (wcisco), 1.00; David Montgomery (wcisco), 1.10; Harold Fannin (The Dirtiest), 1.40
Power rankings
Power = 100 x [0.50 x percentile(season points per scored matchup week) + 0.30 x percentile(last 3 scored matchup weeks average) + 0.20 x all-play win fraction]. Ties count half; equal percentiles use midranks; byes are excluded. This is an editorial ranking, not playoff seeding.
| Rank | Team | Power | PPG | Last 3 | Weeks |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Abominable Snowmen | 94.00 | 167.94 | 155.06 | 5 |
| 2 | Afghan National Team | 89.27 | 146.00 | 163.67 | 5 |
| 3 | SuckMyPresticles | 78.55 | 142.60 | 151.12 | 5 |
| 4 | Killen Kehillah | 62.91 | 138.47 | 142.26 | 5 |
| 5 | MauiHowie | 62.36 | 139.34 | 132.89 | 5 |
| 6 | The Dirtiest | 53.82 | 132.24 | 140.59 | 5 |
| 7 | balls2thewalls2 | 44.18 | 124.21 | 144.74 | 5 |
| 8 | wcisco | 43.09 | 132.16 | 127.85 | 5 |
| 9 | Newmen | 35.45 | 126.81 | 117.61 | 5 |
| 10 | landanss | 19.82 | 120.12 | 105.45 | 5 |
| 11 | Cam Newtons fantasty | 13.64 | 107.68 | 115.21 | 5 |
| 12 | City Wok Rions | 2.91 | 97.33 | 95.91 | 5 |
Standings movement
Current Sleeper records at capture time, ordered by win percentage, then points for, then roster ID. Division and commissioner seeding rules can differ. Movement compares the previous published snapshot of this same league ID; the first issue establishes the baseline. Historical previews retain current records.
| Rank | Team | W-L-T | PF | Division | Movement |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | SuckMyPresticles | 5-0-0 | 713.00 | 1 | baseline |
| 2 | MauiHowie | 5-0-0 | 696.70 | 2 | baseline |
| 3 | Abominable Snowmen | 4-1-0 | 839.68 | 1 | baseline |
| 4 | Killen Kehillah | 4-1-0 | 692.36 | 2 | baseline |
| 5 | Afghan National Team | 3-2-0 | 729.98 | 1 | baseline |
| 6 | Newmen | 3-2-0 | 634.04 | 2 | baseline |
| 7 | wcisco | 2-3-0 | 660.80 | 2 | baseline |
| 8 | landanss | 2-3-0 | 600.62 | 1 | baseline |
| 9 | The Dirtiest | 1-4-0 | 661.18 | 2 | baseline |
| 10 | balls2thewalls2 | 1-4-0 | 621.06 | 1 | baseline |
| 11 | Cam Newtons fantasty | 0-5-0 | 538.38 | 1 | baseline |
| 12 | City Wok Rions | 0-5-0 | 486.64 | 2 | baseline |
Trades and waiver wire
25 completed moves in this issue's transaction window. Pending and failed moves are excluded.
free_agent #1413167412911554560: wcisco receives Jacoby Brissett; wcisco drops Marcus Mariota
free_agent #1413168022645972992: balls2thewalls2 receives Aaron Rodgers
free_agent #1413169009632849920: balls2thewalls2 receives Tyler Higbee; balls2thewalls2 drops David Njoku
free_agent #1413231018919419904: City Wok Rions receives Dohnte Meyers; City Wok Rions drops Green Bay Packers
free_agent #1413297537086963712: Abominable Snowmen receives Cincinnati Bengals; Abominable Snowmen drops San Francisco 49ers
free_agent #1413369497825320960: Afghan National Team receives Spencer Shrader; Afghan National Team drops Harrison Butker
free_agent #1413578894757339136: wcisco receives Will Shipley; wcisco drops Jaylen Wright
free_agent #1413606322171052032: SuckMyPresticles receives New York Jets; SuckMyPresticles drops Buffalo Bills
free_agent #1413608677071421440: Cam Newtons fantasty drops Joe Mixon
free_agent #1413608744566231040: Cam Newtons fantasty receives Kendre Miller
trade #1413609019335061504: The Dirtiest receives Lamar Jackson; SuckMyPresticles receives Baker Mayfield; SuckMyPresticles receives 2029 round 1 (original: The Dirtiest)
free_agent #1413609094924750848: Cam Newtons fantasty receives Troy Franklin
free_agent #1413609870447460352: SuckMyPresticles drops Oronde Gadsden
free_agent #1413610441531289600: The Dirtiest receives Michael Mayer; The Dirtiest drops Jalen Milroe
free_agent #1413702836440584192: MauiHowie drops Kansas City Chiefs
free_agent #1413702973292322816: Cam Newtons fantasty receives Cleveland Browns; Cam Newtons fantasty drops Baltimore Ravens
free_agent #1413703282659987456: MauiHowie receives Dallas Cowboys
free_agent #1414097620204347392: Afghan National Team receives Dameon Pierce; Afghan National Team drops Tyquan Thornton
free_agent #1414097747098767360: Afghan National Team receives Darius Cooper; Afghan National Team drops Dameon Pierce
free_agent #1414683065019555840: MauiHowie receives Roschon Johnson; MauiHowie drops Philadelphia Eagles
free_agent #1415009354930831360: Newmen receives Austin Ekeler; Newmen drops Jerry Jeudy
free_agent #1415434131428380672: The Dirtiest receives Jaylin Noel; The Dirtiest drops Kaleb Johnson
free_agent #1415446034762530816: Killen Kehillah receives Kimani Vidal; Killen Kehillah drops Isaac TeSlaa
free_agent #1415506763159019520: City Wok Rions receives Greg Dortch; City Wok Rions drops Mack Hollins
free_agent #1415578754448629760: Abominable Snowmen receives Efton Chism; Abominable Snowmen drops Kyler Murray
Dynasty desk
Age curves below are configurable planning heuristics, not measured production forecasts or trade market prices. No injury news, projections, or current consensus values are supplied by these endpoints.
| Position | Age band | Illustrative age factor |
|---|---|---|
| QB | 0-24 | 0.90 |
| QB | 25-32 | 1.00 |
| QB | 33-36 | 0.85 |
| QB | 37+ | 0.70 |
| RB | 0-23 | 0.95 |
| RB | 24-26 | 1.00 |
| RB | 27-28 | 0.80 |
| RB | 29+ | 0.60 |
| WR | 0-23 | 0.90 |
| WR | 24-28 | 1.00 |
| WR | 29-31 | 0.85 |
| WR | 32+ | 0.65 |
| TE | 0-24 | 0.85 |
| TE | 25-29 | 1.00 |
| TE | 30-32 | 0.85 |
| TE | 33+ | 0.70 |
| Team | Mean known QB/RB/WR/TE age | Age watch |
|---|---|---|
| Cam Newtons fantasty | 24.4 | Mark Andrews (31) |
| The Dirtiest | 24.7 | Kenny Gainwell (27), Brian Robinson (27) |
| Afghan National Team | 25.9 | Kalif Raymond (32), Matthew Stafford (38), Tony Pollard (29), Rachaad White (27) |
| Killen Kehillah | 26.7 | Davante Adams (33), Darren Waller (34), Tyreek Hill (32), Aaron Jones (31), Mike Gesicki (31), Travis Etienne (27) |
| Abominable Snowmen | 26.6 | Chris Rodriguez (27), Derrick Henry (32), Christian McCaffrey (30), Dallas Goedert (31), Juwan Johnson (30), Rhamondre Stevenson (28) |
| Newmen | 26.1 | Kendrick Bourne (31), Deebo Samuel (30) |
| landanss | 26.4 | Stefon Diggs (32), Hunter Henry (31), Dak Prescott (33), Alvin Kamara (31) |
| MauiHowie | 26.9 | Kirk Cousins (38), Mike Evans (33), George Kittle (33), Saquon Barkley (29), D'Andre Swift (27) |
| SuckMyPresticles | 25.1 | Dalton Schultz (30), Jakobi Meyers (29), Rico Dowdle (28), Chuba Hubbard (27) |
| City Wok Rions | 26.4 | Cooper Kupp (33), DJ Moore (29), A.J. Brown (29), J.K. Dobbins (27), Jonathan Taylor (27), Michael Pittman (29), James Cook (27), Jordan Mason (27) |
| balls2thewalls2 | 27.6 | Emanuel Wilson (27), Travis Kelce (37), Keenan Allen (34), Tyler Higbee (33), Chris Godwin (30), Courtland Sutton (31), Josh Jacobs (28), Terry McLaurin (31), Jaylen Warren (27) |
| wcisco | 25.2 | Jacoby Brissett (33), David Montgomery (29) |
Pick inventory is inferred from one original pick per roster per configured round for the next three drafts, then Sleeper's traded-pick ownership overrides. Unusual commissioner edits may require correction. Heuristic units: R1=100, R2=45, R3=20, R4=10, later=5; multiply by 0.85 per year beyond the next draft. No exact pick slot or market value is assumed.
| Team | Inferred picks | Heuristic units |
|---|---|---|
| Cam Newtons fantasty | 10 | 423.2 |
| The Dirtiest | 5 | 285.2 |
| Afghan National Team | 9 | 424.5 |
| Killen Kehillah | 9 | 424.5 |
| Abominable Snowmen | 10 | 361.5 |
| Newmen | 10 | 444.5 |
| landanss | 9 | 424.5 |
| MauiHowie | 9 | 369.5 |
| SuckMyPresticles | 8 | 450.4 |
| City Wok Rions | 9 | 424.5 |
| balls2thewalls2 | 9 | 504.5 |
| wcisco | 11 | 557.0 |
Rookie watch (Sleeper years_exp=0): Dohnte Meyers, 3.20 for City Wok Rions; Chris Bell, 2.60 for MauiHowie; Jeremiyah Love, 2.20 for Cam Newtons fantasty; Carnell Tate, 1.60 for Cam Newtons fantasty; KC Concepcion, 1.50 for SuckMyPresticles
Draft 1314707879919386624 (2026, complete): 36 recorded selections.
| Pick | Player | Roster |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Jeremiyah Love | Cam Newtons fantasty |
| 2 | Carnell Tate | Cam Newtons fantasty |
| 3 | Makai Lemon | The Dirtiest |
| 4 | Jadarian Price | landanss |
| 5 | KC Concepcion | SuckMyPresticles |
| 6 | Kenyon Sadiq | Cam Newtons fantasty |
| 7 | Jonah Coleman | SuckMyPresticles |
| 8 | Jordyn Tyson | Newmen |
| 9 | Omar Cooper | Killen Kehillah |
| 10 | Germie Bernard | City Wok Rions |
| 11 | Chris Brazzell | balls2thewalls2 |
| 12 | Eli Stowers | wcisco |
| 13 | Denzel Boston | wcisco |
| 14 | Nicholas Singleton | balls2thewalls2 |
| 15 | Emmett Johnson | SuckMyPresticles |
| 16 | Zachariah Branch | Cam Newtons fantasty |
| 17 | Chris Bell | MauiHowie |
| 18 | Elijah Sarratt | Afghan National Team |
| 19 | Fernando Mendoza | MauiHowie |
| 20 | Antonio Williams | SuckMyPresticles |
| 21 | Ty Simpson | landanss |
| 22 | Woody Marks | MauiHowie |
| 23 | Brandon Aiyuk | MauiHowie |
| 24 | Malachi Fields | Newmen |
| 25 | Mark Andrews | Cam Newtons fantasty |
| 26 | De'Zhaun Stribling | MauiHowie |
| 27 | Mike Washington | City Wok Rions |
| 28 | Terrance Ferguson | landanss |
| 29 | Max Klare | SuckMyPresticles |
| 30 | Ja'Kobi Lane | Afghan National Team |
| 31 | Skyler Bell | Newmen |
| 32 | Ted Hurst | City Wok Rions |
| 33 | Michael Trigg | City Wok Rions |
| 34 | Kaytron Allen | Cam Newtons fantasty |
| 35 | Kevin Coleman | balls2thewalls2 |
| 36 | Carson Beck | wcisco |
Playoff board
Only filled team IDs and reported winners are shown. Empty slots await qualification or an earlier round. A bracket returned before playoffs may be provisional.
| winners_bracket | Round | Team 1 | Team 2 | Recorded winner |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 1 | SuckMyPresticles | landanss | Pending |
| 2 | 1 | Killen Kehillah | Afghan National Team | Pending |
| 3 | 1 | Abominable Snowmen | Newmen | Pending |
| 4 | 1 | MauiHowie | wcisco | Pending |
| 5 | 2 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| 6 | 2 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| 7 | 2 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| 8 | 2 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| 9 | 3 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| 10 | 3 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| 11 | 3 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| 12 | 3 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| losers_bracket | Round | Team 1 | Team 2 | Recorded winner |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 1 | City Wok Rions | The Dirtiest | Pending |
| 2 | 1 | Cam Newtons fantasty | balls2thewalls2 | Pending |
| 3 | 2 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
| 4 | 2 | TBD | TBD | Pending |
The recurring cast
| Team | Running nickname |
|---|---|
| Cam Newtons fantasty | Waiver Accountants |
| The Dirtiest | Bench Philosophers |
| Afghan National Team | Trade Committee |
| Killen Kehillah | Sunday Optimists |
| Abominable Snowmen | Rebuild Enthusiasts |
| Newmen | Projection Believers |
| landanss | FAAB Inspectors |
| MauiHowie | Taxi Squad Alumni |
| SuckMyPresticles | Victory Formation |
| City Wok Rions | Flex Department |
| balls2thewalls2 | Draft Pick Collectors |
| wcisco | Monday Negotiators |